Your Partner is Cheating on You…now What Do I Do Now? If you are in the unenviable position of discovering evidence that your partner is having an affair, or they have admitted to a relationship with someone else (either sexual or emotional), what on earth should you do next?
My partner is cheating on me – help!
Firstly, you need to make damned sure the evidence is right. Confronting an innocent partner with the wild accusation they are having an affair can be extremely damaging to both sides. They will be justifiably hurt that you do not trust them and you will look like an insecure and paranoid idiot.
- Front page tabloid expose of your partner with three hookers
Photographic evidence of a pornographic nature sent to your email account from an “anonymous friend”
Your best friend and at least two other people admit that they have seen your partner canoodling with somebody else
- You catch your partner in bed with a third person
If any, or worse, ALL, of these events have occurred recently, you are going to have to face the fact that your partner is a cheat.
Once you have finished trashing their expensive car with a set of their golf clubs, you should try and decide if the relationship is worth saving. If there are children involved that will hopefully be a “yes”, but at the very least you both need to sit down and talk about things to try and work out “what happens next”.
When you are consumed with righteous anger and rage, you are probably more inclined to want to kill your partner with a blunt instrument, but you need to try and stay calm in order to get to the bottom of what has happened, and most importantly, why.
Unless your partner has walked out and is refusing to talk about the relationship, it could still be possible to salvage something from the whole sorry mess. Use the opportunity to look at what went wrong and accept that there was probably blame on both sides.
Most importantly, try not to blame yourself entirely for the affair. Most affairs occur out of opportunity rather than intent. Some people are simply biologically programmed to be unfaithful no matter how wonderful their primary partner is, so do not let the affair damage your self-esteem irreparably.
Do you still love each other?
Relationship counselling can be a great help if neither of you are able to talk in a rational manner. A trained and sympathetic third person moderating the conversations will be able to help you both deal with some of the underlying relationship issues. If both of you are willing to try and make it work, there is still hope.
Try and move forward in a positive manner and learn from what has happened: you might end up with a relationship that is stronger as a result of the affair.
But if your partner was splashed all over the tabloids with three hookers, you may have to accept that no matter how much you love them, they are never going to be the person you want them to be—and, quite frankly, you deserve better, so perhaps it is time to kick them into touch and find somebody who treats you with more respect!
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