The end of a relationship is always difficult to bear. Unless you never really cared for the person, you are inevitably going to experience some degree of pain, and if you were the dumped one, this is often doubly the case. So, if you are currently in the seventh circle of Hell following the demise of your last relationship, how do you cope with a break up?
How to cope with a break up:-
Relationship break ups are a grieving process. You are essentially saying ‘goodbye’ to the relationship, just like you would do in the event of bereavement. And, just like in bereavement, there are several recognisable stages in the ‘grieving’ process, so understanding these stages are the key to help you cope with a break up:
- Pain / wishing they would come back
I broke up with my partner and I feel numb:-
The first few days after you said “goodbye” to your partner are going to feel like hell. There is no getting around this painful stage—you just have to accept that you will feel utterly awful for a while.
How can I cope with a break up when I never saw it coming?
Depending on the circumstances of the break-up, you might also be in shock. If you did not see the end coming from a mile away, it can often come as a huge bolt from the blue, which of course makes the pain harder to process. Do not be surprised if your sleep patterns are seriously disturbed for a while. You might be unable to sleep at all, or you might want to spend every moment in bed asleep, hoping against hope that when you wake up the nightmare will be over. This stage will pass in a few days or so.
I caught my partner in bed with my best friend and now I want to kill the bastard!
If the relationship ended particularly badly, you will be feeling very angry and hurt. This is normal. Try not to let your feelings of anger translate into any kind of illegal activity—murdering your ex is not the best way to tackle a relationship breakdown. Not unless you have plans to spend the rest of your life behind bars.
Channel your anger into something positive. Exercise is a great way of dealing with residual anger and frustration. Take up running or kick boxing. Knocking the hell out of the pavement or a punch bag will help you get that anger out of your system!
I really miss my ex and would give anything to have them back…
It is not uncommon once the anger has subsided to gloss over all the crap things your ex did to you. We all do it. Rose tinted glasses are responsible for all those times you take a lying, cheating ex back into your bed. They promise you they have changed, and you forget about all the times they slept with other women.
However, try not to let your feelings of loss propel you into picking up the phone and calling your ex to beg them for a second chance. This type of scenario is usually common after a few drinks down the pub, so if you think you might end up falling prey to ‘drunk dialling’ warn your friends and let them confiscate your phone before any damage is done.
I’m so depressed I haven’t washed my hair for a month…
Depression following a relationship break-up is normal. However, if you can relate to any of the following signs, please seek professional help:
- You have been avoiding family and friends for weeks
- You can’t recall the last time you smiled
- You have been researching suicide on the internet
- You have lost/gained a huge amount of weight
- Your employer is threatening to sack you if you take any more time off work
Finally, take comfort from the fact that we all go through this painful process at one time or another. In fact, most of us go through it multiple times. When it happens to you, take support from your friends and family and spend as much time as you can with other people. Whilst it might seem like a great idea to lock yourself in the house and take out shares in Smirnoff, avoid the temptation to drink yourself stupid. Alcohol is never the answer—it just delays the healing process.
Always take heart from the fact that relationships break up for a reason—usually because you are simply not right for each other. You wanted kids and he wanted have sex with lots of other women, all at the same time…
Stay strong and remember that this painful time will not last forever. One day, you will wake up and realise that you have recovered and ‘that person’ is now a dim and distant memory. And the best bit? You will be a stronger person as a result.